The look of utter horror and disgust on my partner's face was seared into my mind as we grudgingly reached out to each other and touched one another's hands. Nine years old is far too young to be subjected to such torture.
Most, if not all of the silly dances we learned would have us switch partners mid-song, revealing the awful truth that I would have to touch all the girls in the 4th grade. Some liked it way too much. The tall one always hunched over so she could look me in the face and add insult to injury. The one I had been secretly wanting to dance with would cover her hands with her sweatshirt- an ingenious idea even if it did bring me to a disadvantage.
It was terrible. But we did kind of like it. But not really.
The awful truth hit us all too clearly- eventually you're probably going to be attracted to other people, and you'll probably like it. Nine years old... so young...
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| Ironically, years later while walking my dog, I found a group of old timers square dancing in the Loyola Elementary gym, not unlike this group here. I still see them from time to time XD |
Junior High came around, and things went crazy. Seriously, nobody wants to ever go back to junior high. Some people relish their days in college or high school, others wish to go back to the carefree days of childhood, but I've never met a soul wanting to relive the terror days of junior high.
For the most part, my days there weren't so bad, though looking back, I was a turd, and so was everyone around me.
At this time we were all discovering at some point or another that it's actually OK to be attracted to each other. People start talking about who likes who and whatever. No one really did anything about it though, and for the most part no one really cared to either. We had more important things to worry about, like video games and pizza. Even when someone did do something about it, no one was really sure how to react. Rumors spread that some girl was severely crushing on my friend, all leading up to the first school dance, where she wanted him to dance with her, AAANND....
He did. And as far as I remember nothing really ever happened after that. Other kids went on, including myself, secretly liking each other and hoping we would get noticed, but not really doing anything. Again, Super Mario and Legend of Zelda were still waaay more important, but it wouldn't have been so terrible if a certain girl or two could read my mind and start talking to me and liking me for no reason. Just saying...
Then high school happened and kids would go out like nutso. If kids were dating, they made sure to do everything to make sure everyone knew it. They'd go to dances together, hold hands everywhere, get singing valentines, throw in some lovely hallway PDA (cause a 5-minute passing period is obviously too long to break from eternal love), and plaster Myspace with pictures of each other (cause Myspace was a thing at the time).
My first year at BYU was more or less the same as high school, just exchange myspace with facebook. I dated a handful of girls during later high school and early college times, all of whom were very cool and treated me with a ton of respect (respect I hopefully also can say I gave to them).
Then came my time to serve a mission, which is more or less our cultural rite of passage for manhood. Upon returning I was ready and excited to fulfill the prophecy given to every single guy who has ever served a mission was promised: dating. It will be easy. It will be fun. You'll be more attractive than a super-saiyan is powerful/screamy.
What I found in my following years at BYU (and in the wacky world of LDS dating) was less than fun. It has not been easy. In truth, it has been more painful than anything else. Sadly many others have found themselves in the same, miserable boat.
The problem, I feel, is that we really just need to grow the crap up and start acting like adults. And treating each other like adults. Too many of our actions are reflecting our nine-year-old selves square dancing in circles, or the terrible junior high kids we want to leave behind.
I've seen it too often- girls going on dates and then coming home to tear the guys apart with gossip to their friends.
Guys who will flirt with any girl with a pulse, but won't commit to more than (maybe) one date.
Girls who lament about the "creepy" guy who won't stop calling, yet never state their disinterest out of the risk of "feeling bad."
Boys and girls, complaining with all the drama of a teenager, about things that probably aren't even true.
Girls and boys, ignoring the interest of another person, and swatting down compliments like flies, as if to shame a person for being attracted to them.
"Oh, poor me, nobody likes me." Except for when they do.
"No one wants to date me.." As long as you don't count the guy/girl I've been avoiding all month.
"I just wish she/he would notice me." And can read my mind so that I don't have to put forth the effort.
Look, I know dating can be a nightmare, but if you're gonna complain, at least be accurate. If you're gonna whine about the people who don't like you, at least remember the people who do (or did). If you're gonna worry about getting shot down, remember when you've done the rejecting. If you want people to give you a chance, be willing to do the same.
I don't think that means you have to go out with every guy who asks you out or every girl who shows interest. If you really know you don't want to spend time with someone then don't waste their/your time. You don't have to go out with legit creepies, weirdos, or the guy who creeps up on you in random places.
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| Lookin at you, Brainy |
But if you got one of those special someones who just won't leave you alone.. You know, the kind who talk to you at church, ask how you're doing, maybe even say hi at ward prayer, you know, the real stalkers.. just act like an adult, already. Give them a chance, or not, but don't ignore it. You may be wishing for them to "get the hint," and they may just be hoping that their efforts will get them a chance to spend some time with you. Cause in their mind, you're worth the trouble, and chances are, they're probably right.
I will end with a little story that I think about often when I get overly frustrated with the silliness of dating. At one point while I was at BYU, I remember walking home with a couple of friends, both of whom were women. One was frantically asking advice, worried soo much about her man troubles at the time. She was afflicted with interest in one man, yet catching the interest of another. The second man had asked her out on what was either a first or second date (I can't remember).
My opinion was that she really had nothing to lose in going out with this guy. At best she'd like him and at worst, she'd have a fun time not paying for whatever it was they were doing. Either way it was up to her and like an adult, she didn't play games and she didn't ignore it. Her choice was to give him a chance. They've now been married for a year or two or three (it would be kind of weird if I kept track of it) and have adorable babies.
I take comfort in the fact that when it comes to dating, none of us really have any idea what we're doing. But in the end, most, if not all of us will succeed. Until then, I hope your efforts are fun and relatively stress-free :)
