over the weekend i noticed something funny. it definitely wasn't the first time, and it sure as heck won't be the last time. i've just finally figured out a way to make fun of it.
i'm gonna tell yall a story or two.
k first one. the four of us get back from a "hot date" with training wheels, and we're at our friends' apartment. most of the girls who live there are in attendance, along with my other friend and his gff who frequently visit the apartment. they're sitting at a chair at the table so i go and give him a one-armed hug from behind the chair while scratching his head (don't be jealous). then BOOM. i see it. there it is. the left hand. that aint his girlfriend no more. she's leveled up. she's evolving, they're moving on the the next quest. then it hits me. i'm in an apartment full of girls, why the fetch hasn't anyone else noticed yet? don't girls have some kind of radar for this thing?
"um, he's rubbing your boyfriend's head," is what i hear next. really? am i the only one who's seeing this? i wanted to drop a nuke on everyone's mind right there. break the news, let the cat out of its bag. i figured it wasn't my place though so i just relocated to the living room.
luckily, the words get out before too long, "well.. he's not my boyfriend anymore." then the entire apartment jumped up and down screaming as if they had just seen jimmer make a half-court pass to justin beiber who dunks the ball for the win. i stand there deciding whether or not i should be proud that my roommate is the only other one who noticed before the announcement was made.
well, at this point i've got all the information i need. my really good friend is engaged, they're totally happy, and they're gonna fly off over a double rainbow all the way across the sky to the land of happily ever after on a wild honeymoon stallion that i should get to work on taming. then all the girls sit down and ask for the whole story, including everything that went on that night, every word said, every vomitingly cute gesture and detail that i don't feel the need to hear about. i've got the important points down: they're engaged and they're happy. i look to my roommate and petition that we leave this cutefest before its too late and we go and watch community. win-WIN.
next story. a friend and i notice a certain BRO of ours spending a good amount of time with a SISTAH. so of course we bother him about it. we try to figure out how he feels about it. or whatever. then i go and bug the SISTAH cause i want to know her deal. she's actually pretty cool about it, but its her roommates who are crazy.
"LIKE OHMYGOSH!!! WHAT DID HE SAY? TELL ME EVERYTHING!"
"um, actually, i don't really know yet. i just want to get yall's opinion..."
"OH. MY. GOODNESS. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME. GO TALK TO HIM. THEN TELL ME. TELL ME EVERYTHING. PROMISE ME YOU'LL TELL ME EVERYTHING."
well, he asked her out. she told me all about it later that day. it basically went like this:
"he asked me out"
"cool. when are yall going out?"
"this day."
"cool, what are yall doing?"
"this thing"
"cool"
(yes i actually know what they're doing and when, but i don't care to put ALL their business up for all the world (er, my 15 readers) to see).
so yeah. she told me. then something weird happened. she's like, well, i gotta go tell my roommates about it. and i'm like.. "wait you just told me they all knew."
"oh but they want to know all the details."
??? the crap? you just told me all the details.. you're going on a date on this day doing this thing.. what else is needed? he pulled you away from your friends to get you alone, he probably made some small talk, asked you out... what else could have happened? did he kick a ninja in the face? stop a bank robbery? step on a kitten? what else is there to know that you didn't tell me? and you sure as heck know that i would want to know if a ninja appeared and whether or not he kicked it.
i go back to my apartment and one of her other roommates is there, bothering me about what happened. and i'm like "yeah he asked her out. they're going out this day doing this thing."
"but what happened?"
"what do you mean what happened i just told you?"
"but what did they say? what happened? i need details."
"i dont know. all i asked for was the 3-4 page essay, not the whole dang book."
"but i want the whole book! tell me now!"
"i didn't read the book, i just read the spark notes!"
i find that the need for most girls to know every dang detail about everything just plain funny. and further, they get frustrated when i don't give them every dang detail, cause that aint what i'm looking for anyways. i'm not saying its bad, i dont think yall are nosy, i just think its funny. but if you want to know every word that was said, every gesture, every detail and derive every secret, hidden, most likely unintended or over-analyzed meaning from them... then don't don't don't ask a guy. you'll just get disappointed. but if you want to know the important points, the general feel (yeah, we have feelings... sometimes), AND the meaning of every word, every gesture, every detail (most likely the meaning is.. well nothing), then go ahead. ask us. for real. we're smarter than we look.
sometimes.
now for real, i have a 3-4 page book report to write about a book i read.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
the greatest Hero who ever lived
"And he cometh into the world that he may save all men if they will hearken unto his voice; for behold, he suffereth the pains of all men, yea, the pains of every living creature, both men, women, and children, who belong to the family of Adam." 2 Nephi 9:21
"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." Alma 7: 11-12
"And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and abominations of his people." Mosiah 3:7
"And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting bands of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!" Alma 36:17-20
"And the Lord provided for them that they should hunger not, neither should they thirst; yea, he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ." Alma 31:38
"Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or mained, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you, my bowels are filled with mercy." 3 Nephi 17:7
"Come unto me, al ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." Matthew 11:28-29
He was there when my other could have died; when her blood pressure was too high from the pregnancy. I don't think the doctor just knew himself when to operate, so that she could live and I could be born.
He was with me when I heard the worst news of my life, when someone important to me got sick, and when it didn't get any better.
He was there every time I didn't feel like I was good enough, or unworthy, or when I thought my efforts weren't getting anywhere.
He's been there when I couldn't move, couldn't talk, could hardly even think, when I thought I couldn't go any further.
He has always been there when I needed Him, and He always will be.
"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities." Alma 7: 11-12
"And lo, he shall suffer temptations, and pain of body, hunger, thirst, and fatigue, even more than man can suffer, except it be unto death; for behold, blood cometh from every pore, so great shall be his anguish for the wickedness and abominations of his people." Mosiah 3:7
"And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting bands of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!" Alma 36:17-20
"And the Lord provided for them that they should hunger not, neither should they thirst; yea, he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ." Alma 31:38
"Have ye any that are sick among you? Bring them hither. Have ye any that are lame, or blind, or halt, or mained, or leprous, or that are withered, or that are deaf, or that are afflicted in any manner? Bring them hither and I will heal them, for I have compassion upon you, my bowels are filled with mercy." 3 Nephi 17:7
"Come unto me, al ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." Matthew 11:28-29
He was there when my other could have died; when her blood pressure was too high from the pregnancy. I don't think the doctor just knew himself when to operate, so that she could live and I could be born.
He was with me when I heard the worst news of my life, when someone important to me got sick, and when it didn't get any better.
He was there every time I didn't feel like I was good enough, or unworthy, or when I thought my efforts weren't getting anywhere.
He's been there when I couldn't move, couldn't talk, could hardly even think, when I thought I couldn't go any further.
He has always been there when I needed Him, and He always will be.
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