The Big Issue

I will always remember that fated day at the doctor's office.  It was the worst news I had ever received.  Standing there against the wall with my shoes off, the nurse broke the news as if she had told a million people that day.  Didn't she have a heart? Didn't she understand what she was telling me, and that it would alter my life forever?  No.  She didn't even care.  She said it like I had known my whole life:

You're 5' 5'' and a quarter


I was 19.  And I was devastated.

I thought I had been 5' 6'' for years.  I even told the DMV that I was 5'7'' because I thought I was 5'6'' and I figured I would grow.  But I didn't.  When I finally did get my driver's license, (the reason as to why it took my until I was 19 is an entirely different story) the DMV lady asked if all my information was correct.  Telling her that I was 2 inches shorter than I had hoped was painful to the extreme.

People tell me it isn't so bad.  They don't know what they're talking about.  They don't know what its like.  You can reach the peanut butter when its on the top shelf, because you put it there so you can laugh at me when I stand on the counter or get a chair.  You don't have to move the seat of your car all the way forward to drive.  You didn't have to have another person ride with you in a go-cart when you were 14 fetching years old.

Its the same people who say it isn't so bad who consistently point out their supposed superiority.

Oh little Tay.  Oh little Tay.  Oh how'd you get so little?

Thanks.  Dirtbag.  You can stop singing the song now.


Scott, you're awesome.  You're just too short.  

Oh.. of course.   Or maybe you're just too tall!

Scott how tall are you?  Oh.. yeah, I'm taller than you are. 

What I think you meant to say was: "Scott, I'm madly in love with you, if only I could give you 2-3 inches of my height.  Then we could ride off into the sunset on a magical pegasus unicorn of happiness" 

It provokes me when I see a really really tall guy with a really really short girl.  I don't know why, but its just some unwritten rule that the girl can't be taller.  For real though!  It just doesn't work!  So I see these giants, right, they can pick any girl they want.  But they don't go for the volleyball players or whoever.  They pick a cute lil 5'3'' or 5'2'' girl just to anger me.  Just to anger me.

Oh, but they're just evening out the gene pool.

Really?  Isn't the point of the gene pool to keep it diverse?  Whatever.  Its better to make everyone the same.

How tall are you?  5'7''?

I can't thank you enough for assuming.

Do you know this girl?  She's tiny. You should just propose to her.

... maybe I will.  And seriously, thank you for assuming.

I don't usually care this much about it, but for some reason people have been recently pointing it out a lot more than usual.  Thanks, people.  Thanks for telling me what I've already known my entire life.  I know I have to jump to touch the ceiling, I know sometimes have to get a chair, and I know that the average girl can probably beat me up.

Whatever. Its fine.  If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be tall anyways.

At least Dexter knows what I'm talking about.