another castle? really?

i've got a lot of different thoughts on how i want to say this.  hopefully it all works together.  hopefully.

i will start off as i often do.  with Nintendo.  Super Mario Bros.  1985.  a great game.  it changed the world.  it changed my life.  Mario has to fight through 8 worlds with 4 level each against an onslaught of goombas, koopa troopas,  buzzy beetles, bullet bills, paratroopas, hammer bros, lakitus, and even Bowser himself.  at the end of every world is a castle level where you have to face off with Bowser.  you'd think you would find the princess on the other side of the king of koopas every time.  however, your experience is more likely to end up like this.

sorry.  she aint here.  can i take a message?

yesterday before church started, my bishop asked as he often does why i'm not married yet.  i didn't really want to hear it so i kind of bit back at him and asked why he always asks me that.  after a bit i think he saw it was frustrating me because he said how everyone bothered him after he was home from serving a mission and now its his turn to bother me.  i think from now on he wont bother me as much or it will be more of a joke than anything.

before i go on i just need to say that i have a very good bishop and i dont want people to think that i hate him or whatever.  he's very good man (as most bishops are) and him and his counselors are a big factor to my staying in this ward. 

 anyways, the frustrations i was relating to him was that i wasn't a lazy turd not asking girls out.  they just weren't saying yes.  he said to just keep trying or whatever.

here's the interesting thing though... they may not always say yes... but aren't exactly saying no either.  

the other night i was driving to a ward activity with my friend, and somehow this came up.  we were both lamenting over our inability to ever get a second date, and we came to a debate.. (well more of a discussion since we both saw good points in each other) as to whether its better for a girl to just say no when asked out... or to lie about it.  to give some vague answer about being busy or being gone or whatever.  

Dear Elizabeth,

I hope you're doing well.  And I think it's so awesome that you're out.. monitoring glacier patterns in some remote part of Alaska where no one can get a hold of you... I thought I'd try anyway. 

upon talking to other friends about it, the general consensus seemed to be that its better to lie.  now why would we do that?  some advantages were presented to me: 

you're not hurting the guy by saying no.  bluntly put, getting turned down hurts and there's no real way around that.  and for the most part, girls feel bad about it cause, well, its not really the nicest thing to do.  but it has to be done.  

building off of that, if you say something vague like "i'm busy" or "my family's in town,"  chances are that the guy might forget about it and move on and no real damage is done.  no one has to get hurt and no one has to feel bad.

 this is pretty much the predominating thought in our culture.  i'm not gonna say it's wrong.... but i'm not gonna say its right either.  quite frankly its been frustrating the crap out of me.  here's why.

bluntly put, guys are pretty shallow.  im no exception to that.  we can usually tell pretty quick if we like someone enough to want to date her or not.  i'm not saying i want to make someone my girlfriend within ten minutes of meeting her, but generally speaking, i will know if i want to take someone on a date pretty quickly.  for whatever reason, when it hits me its all at once and pretty strong.  like the little naked baby angel just pulls out his adorable lil heart arrows and that's it.  

that isn't to say that if i don't like after the first time i ever talk to her than that's it and she has no chance.  sometimes i meet someone and its really quick, and sometimes its someone who i'm friends with and one day it just kind of hits me that she's totally amazing.  (the second way is usually better anyways).

so anyways, let's say the lil guy lands a lil heart bullseye on me.  i can genuinely say that i like someone.  its not like crazy true love or whatever, but i can say that she's cute or whatever, i can pick out things about her personality that are attractive, and life is just a little bit better when i'm around her.  i'd say its enough to warrant a first date, wouldn't you?

asking someone out is typically a nightmare fore me.  it doesn't matter how nice she is.  it doesn't matter how funny i can be around her.  it doesn't matter how good of friends we are, or how good she looks that day.  the process of approaching, asking, getting the phone number and all that... its just hard. but i can deal with it.  

i've never had a girl say no to a first date.  sometimes they don't say yes, but for a first date they pretty much always have a legitimate reason.  

the hard part though is the dreaded process of asking for a second date.  sure, i may have got the first date, but then again, i've beat world 1 of Super Mario millions of times.  and world 2 is just that much harder.  (ok so usually i don't lose a life till world 4.. but you get the idea). 

at this point she isn't obligated to say yes anymore.  she's humored me with the first date and if she doesn't want me around she shouldn't have to put up with it.  by asking for the second date, (and third, fourth, etc) i'm taking more and more risks.  i'm telling her she's worth my time more than anyone else.  i'd rather be spending my time with her than with other girls, my friends, my brothers, whoever.  

so she's got some options here.  she can tell the truth by saying yes, cause she wants to go on another date, she can say no thanks, because she honestly doesn't see it going anywhere... or she can give the ever popular vague answer and leaves it up to me to figure it out. 

well i'm not an idiot, people.  if she says something like "ohhh i'm busy," or "that weekend won't work," or "i'm just not sure," and then doesn't say that maybe another time will work or that she really would like to but cant... yeah, i'm gonna assume that she doesn't want to go out again.

but i am so. fetching. sick. of giving up every time i get an answer like that.  people say you're supposed to be persistent, right?  if i get a vague answer, i'm gonna call again.  i'm gonna tell her i think she's worth my time again.  

a friend told me that a friend or relative of hers asked his wife out SEVEN TIMES before they finally went on a date.  seven!  Super Mario has eight worlds! eight before he gets the princess! its no different!

ok, does persistence like that really work all the time though?  for that one guy who made it, how many other guys called a chick seven times before she finally just said no?  

i really do want to be brave and persistent.  but i also really dont want to be that guy who always calls and bugs the crap out of someone cause she's just too dang nice to say no.  at what point is being persistent just being a dang pest?  was Mario really all that persistent and brave, or did the princess just hide herself in world 8 on purpose, hoping that he'd get the hint by world 4?

Hmm, a "new quest," huh?  so i guess the first 8 worlds weren't enough to prove my interest...

well there's gonna be a point where i'm gonna stop.  i don't want to keep getting vague answers.  i want to be brave and stuff but i for one am not gonna drive myself insane chasing a girl who doesn't want me to chase her!  why not?  cause i respect myself too, dang it!  if i go through the effort of trying to impress a girl, i think i deserve to know what she thinks.  if the answer is "yes," then great! we'll keep going from there.  that doesn't mean you have to be in love with me and that doesn't mean i even expect you to like me right off the bat.  and if the answer is "no," that's ok too!  really, thank you for at least giving an answer!  if you don't know yet, that's ok too!  you can say that too!  we can talk about it!  maybe it will help you to.

Dear Elizabeth,

Again, I hope you're doing really good. I haven't heard from you yet, but... Anyways, the weirdest thing!  I met your identical twin sister, Liz, the other night at a party!  Wow, she looks just like you!  It's so trippy... Anyway, she said you miss me but not to try to get a hold of you cause you're real busy... and the weirdest thing is, I guess she's joining you on the expedition?  Wow, that's totally cool!

i think girls worry way too much about "hurting a guy" and "feeling bad."  i for one know very well that i'm risking getting turned down every time i ask a girl out.  i prepare my head for the worst scenario every time (that way its always good hahah).  but really.  my world isn't gonna come crashing down if you say no. i have enough self respect to know that if a girl says no, that doesn't mean im a freak or a loser.  she just wasn't shot by the little naked baby angel, and thats just fine.

its ok.  i know i'm awesome either way.

when my friend said that its ok to lie because the guy will probably forget by the next week or two, i had to say that i didn't agree with that.  if a girl strikes me as someone that i want to date, i'm not gonna just forget about her cause she cant go out with me for one weekend.  i'm not so dumb that i don't know you might have another date that week or something, and you're not so unattractive that i would forget about you after a week or two.  thats just how it is. 

yeah.  i have a good memory.  sometimes is a curse.

anyways, i'm not going to say that we should always just say no every time.  its probably different for different people.  but i hope i at least got you thinking.  i think i would usually prefer to just be told no, because i already have enough trouble as it is standing up for myself and for what i want.  i tend to take the easy way out of things, and if a girl says 'not this week,' and keeps saying it, i tend to just back off.  but i'm kind of at the point now where i'm tired of that.  there's a lot of really amazing girls at this university.  i meet one almost every week.  i'm just tired of being afraid to say how i feel cause of the vague answers i get.  

but i see the point in being vague as well.  so really i don't know what to do (surprise surprise).

Dear Elizabeth and Liz,

I hope you're doing well.  Anyway, I was at the mall, and I met your identical cousin, Beth.. I didn't even know that they had identical cousins and it made me miss you even more..

hopefully this doesn't sound too bitter.  overall i am very happy with how this year has been.  i have a really great ward full of really amazing women, and just as many girls that i've met through class or activities or people setting me up with them.  some of my best friends who i met within the last year are girls who i liked but they didn't end up feeling the same way.  they've been great enough not to make it weird when it didn't work.  and heck, who knows, maybe the lil baby angel will shoot one of them down the road.

so yeah. i really am happy.  thanks to all the women who've played a big part in my life.  thanks to my mom and sister for teaching me how to treat and respect women.  thanks to the girls who actually called themselves my girlfriend at some point.  thanks to the girls who have said "yes," "no," and every last thing in between.

and thanks to the AQUABATS for provided the hilarious song lyrics in between paragraphs, which just so nicely fit with the subject matter. 

...bbbring..

"Hello?"

"Hello, uh, is this Elizabeth?"

"Yes it is"

"Elizabeth, its me, Roger!  From the beach.."

"Oh, did I say Elizabeth, I mean, um... its Francine..."

"Ohh... Francine?"

"Yeah, I'm watching their house while they're gone over in Europe."

"Europe, I thought they were in Alaska"

"Oh did I say Ala.. yeah, Alaska, they're in Alaska, well, whatever, Europe, Alaska its the same.  Well, they're gonna be changing this phone number, so you probably shouldn't call here anymore, ok? Ok, bye."

"....oh, man."