the pit of friendship

i like to look at the BYU memes page. i think it's funny. but holy crap, some people get so dang emotional on it. lately there have been a LOT of flame wars about this or that, people getting offended or annoyed or whatever. that's also pretty sad, but whatever.

recently there have been a lot of memes focused on frustration with our silly little dating culture here at BYU, and of course, angry boys and angry girls are commenting the crap out of them with their anger. from YEAH BRO THAT'S SO TRUE to angry 3-paragraph essays about why its still all guys' fault that they're shallow and dumb.

if there is one thing that i have learned about dating in the past couple of years-- from my own experiences, to watching others or listening to their advice, its that nobody knows what the heck they are doing. i'm serious! not even the married people really know what they're doing- they got it right once. so i laugh when they try to give me advice thinking that they know everything, cause apparently what you do will work if i do it, cause i'm just like you, what you did to get your wife to love you will totally work for me, cause i'm just like you and my wife will be just like your wife. 

i mean its all well-intended. but really we really just don't know what we're doing, and the great thing about it is that more likely than not, things work out anyways! they really do. its so weird... and awesome!

the thing i really want to talk about though is the dreaded, heated, and ever-complained about, ever-infamous friend zone. now before i go on i just wan to say that I KNOW THAT FEEL BRO. i understand what it's like to be attracted to someone and then have them tell you "no, but i still want to be friends." or "no, i don't like you, but i want to still spend time with you a develop a relationship with strong feelings and care for each other exceptfortheattractionpart." i know that it sucks, and it hurts, and that sometimes being put in the friend zone feels more like being thrown in a pit and being digested slowly for thousands of years.

boba fett? boba fett, where!?

now as much as i've complained about it, made fun of it, ragged on it, as much as i may hate it or whatever i have said about it-- i really don't thing the whole friend zone thing is as bad as we all might think it is.

OH MY GOSH SCOTT HOLY CRAP HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT

because, random angry person, i think most of what there is to hate doesn't come from the friend zone itself, but from the misconceptions that surround it- from the things that follow that, at least from what i have gathered, are things that people either do not understand or are not willing to understand.



to explain, i let me first start by describing a typical scott taylor friendzone situation. i'm sure nothing like this has ever happened to you.

1- SCOTT sees GIRL. SCOTT: 'oh. a girl. and a cute on at that!'
2- SCOTT asks GIRL out on date.
3- at some point, SCOTT likes GIRL. often too quickly for her liking. (an understandable plight for our young heroine).
4- it becomes apparent that SCOTT likes GIRL.
5- GIRL gets a little weirded out (again, understandable), and asks SCOTT if they can just be friends.

at this point, the our story becomes a choose your own adventure book!!

if SCOTT becomes friends with GIRL, turn to page 12

if SCOTT gives up chooses to retreat to the shadows to play zelda or otherwise move on, turn to page 63

while the second choice seems obviously like the wrong one, its reasons will become apparent soon enough.

anyways, we're gonna go to page 12 and then see what happens.

page 12: SCOTT becomes friends with GIRL.

1- SCOTT and GIRL are friends.

2- GIRL thinks that SCOTT no longer likes him because they're friends. SCOTT still likes GIRL but knows that he has to get over it. he wants to be her friend because she asked him to and it seems like the right thing to do.

3- SCOTT spends time with GIRL. he enjoys it cause she's a good friend and he still thinks she's cute, and kind of likes the adventurous feeling of keeping that hidden from her.

4- SCOTT continues to get to know GIRL. he starts liking her for better reasons than just cause she's pretty or cute. he likes her because she sees good in other people or is nice to everyone. or because she handles hard situations without complaining or loves God and respects everyone. SCOTT now sees GIRL as an amazing person, and not just another cute girl, though he still thinks that she's an incredibly cute girl.

5- GIRL still only sees SCOTT as that guy she likes to hang out with sometimes, or that guy she goes to school with, etc. 

6- holding in all these emotions is starting to do weird things to SCOTT. his stomach hurts when he spends time with GIRL or he gets very anxious. GIRL might wonder why he is acting weird or she might be totally oblivious.

NOW we get to choose our adventure again!

if SCOTT tells GIRL about his feelings, turn to page 24

if SCOTT stops hanging out with GIRL so in an attempt to balance his emotions, turn to page 55

if SCOTT goes insane and steps on a kitten, turn to page 107

again, i'm sure you've never been in this kind of a situation. i bet you couldn't ever put your name in place of SCOTT or GIRL and have it be something that actually happened to you. never ever ever. 

the problem i've seen with the friend zone- and we're ALL both the offenders AND the victims, is that often when we cast someone into the pit, we are also refusing to acknowledge their feelings about the situation. we say "hey! i don't like you, but lets be friends LOL!" the problem with that is we're going on our merry way like nothing ever happened between us and our "new friend!" 

the problem with the friend zone is NOT that we're trying to be friends with someone that we can't return feelings for. the problem is that we're taking a real person, a living, breathing, child of God with real feelings and emotions and we're saying, "oh. sorry, but your feelings aren't valid. we're friends and that's it."

its really, very, selfish of us to ask someone to be our friend, and then not even come to terms with the fact that they might- and probably do- still have feelings for us. that is the evil of the friend zone. getting rejected or dumped or whatever hurts enough as it is. let's not pour salt-infested lemon juice on the wounds by telling someone that we're going to care for them and who they are (cause that's that friends do after all), but then act like their feelings didn't ever exist or don't matter. as far as i'm concerned, THAT is the change we need to make.

let's face it- we're not going to be able to return the love for everyone who likes or loves us. in fact, you only get one person that it really works for. but we need to treat all the other people along the way like people, not like annoying little monsters who pop up out of nowhere to fight you. if you like someone, but he or she does not like you back, you DO NOT have to apologize for it, nor should you feel that you do! likewise, if you don't like someone back who likes you, you again DO NOT have to feel like there is something wrong with you. because there isn't something wrong with you, and there isn't something wrong with him or her either. but give this person their deserved dignity and don't pretend like he or she doesn't have feelings! 

i really do believe that when it's all said and done, we're going to be happy and we're going to laugh our faces off because we worried about this kind of stuff. and for some people, the friend zone really does work. some people really do become friends for however long and it works out. but sometimes it doesn't, and that doesn't make one person right or wrong or better or worse.

but i figure as long as we're here, we might as well do what we can not to make it any harder on each other than we have to.

keep it up. you're awesome. that princess (or your desired equivalent) really is in another castle. 

put your heart in it

the past couple of years have been really good. and also really weird. some things have really built my confidence and other things have pretty much torn it down.

anyone who has talked to me about dating or girls or that whole thing also knows that i've let a let of bitterness in my heart about it. to be blunt, i've had a fair share of back luck. and that's all i can really call it- i don't hate women, i don't think they're evil or stupid or any of that, its just been really back luck. sometimes i feel like whoever said that its easier after serving a mission was just trolling us. overall i feel like the whole dating thing (and maybe our somewhat crazy BYU culture) has hurt my confidence in girls and myself.

buuut i don't really care to say any more about that. i can rant on and on if i want to, but eh.. i don't want to.

what i DO want to rant about are the things that actually made the confidence improve. there have been many people and situations who have helped me with that.

i remember the first day i took a major-related class. it was actually a pre-req but the major was small enough that we all took it together anyways. i was basically meeting the 20-ish women that i'd be spending the next 2 years taking classes with (and that's really how it was, i was one of 2 dudes, but he didn't take that first class with us). anyways, this girl who ended up being my best friend from my cohort sits behind me and starts talking. we're talking about applying to the program (which was due in like a week or something) and she asked where i did my service hours at... and i was like.. uh... .. .. crap.



after the initial shock, applying to the program really wasn't the nightmare we all thought it was (i would laugh if i knew then how panicky my lovely sisters could get) and hey- i was accepted. w00t.

so much good came from it too. being able to go through the summer teaching program and student teaching helped me feel way better about myself- not really cause of anything i did, though. i got to work with kids who just decided that they liked me from the start. kids who, despite having a disability that makes it harder to think, went ahead and learned my name anyways. they liked me just cause i was there to help them. they didn't judge me. heck, they don't judge anyone- and i don't know if that process even crosses their minds.

it does a lot for an insecure dorky dorkwad like me.

but heck, i saw plenty of good happening before we got to teaching. every time we had a big assignment or project due, everyone made sure to help each other out. i may poke fun at how my cohort friends would freak out with every project, but that wave of panic was always quickly followed by them coming together and helping each other figure it out.

putting school aside though, they cared about each other lives when homework wasn't due. they remembered each others' birthdays. they'd scream like little schoolgirls for each other whenever someone got engaged. and then go to the weddings- sometimes that even meant travelling out of state. they became friends and hung out with each other (well, some of them anyways ^.^ )

and heck, they'd go out of their way to be nice to me and do things that they really didn't have to. whether it was one of MANY carpools where i got to vent about girls or whatever i was mad at at the time. or just talk about silly things like the aquabats or how i like the same nintendo games as their 12 year old brother. or however many times i didn't have to walk home alone, even though i'd pretend that i wanted to.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm happy that i've found something that can put my heart into. i'm happy about what i've studied and what i'm going to do with my life. and i'm grateful for the people that i've met along the way.

and its not just the people in my major. i've made plenty of friends who go out of their way to care. like roommates who get me apple juice on a day that i'm hating life. or friends who stand up for me knowing that i'll probably get mad at them for it. or brothers who talk to me when i'm feeling like crap and remember to check a few days later to still if i'm still good.

if the one of the greatest commandments is for us to love each other, i'd say we're actually doing a pretty good job at it. sure, we're human, we judge, we hate, we do stupid things, but i really don't think we're that bad at loving each other either. or being nice. or caring. or whatever it is. a lot of the things that i've mentioned people doing for me probably don't seem like that big of a deal, and probably didn't for the people who were helping me at the time. but it really makes a difference.

in the end i'm grateful for people who put their whole heart into caring and making other people happy.

hellloooooo nurse!

HELLOOOO, NURSE!

ok guys. who misses animaniacs? it was a great cartoon. funny, well-written, and even educational. animation at its best.


i remember how yakko and wakko would totally go crazy whenever they saw dr. sctrachnsniff's nurse. they'd do everything they could to smooth-talk her. its was pretty funny. they thought that nurse was so good-looking they even called ANY attractive lady a nurse. w00t.


for some reason i've always wanted to say that to a girl. i just think it would be really funny. though i'm kind of scared cause i don't think it will actually work. first off, girls might not get the reference (which really, that would be sad) and second, saying "helloooo nurse" is basically the same as calling a girl hot, which, from what i gather is not generally appreciated. and i don't blame them, cause calling a girl hot is basically telling them that they're only attractive physically and there isn't anything else about them that's worth mentioning.

however the biggest reason why i've never tried is cause i have an extremely hard time giving girls compliments. now there's plenty of reasons-- i'm simply bad at talking to them, its nerve-wracking, but the reason that i find the most disturbing is that they tend to make me feel stupid for complimenting them.

i don't know why, but often when i've tried telling a lady-type that she is pretty or cute or that i like something about her (or just like her) i get strange responses, ranging from "ummm," to "eww, why would you think that," or "i just don't know what you see in me." its weird cause i shouldn't have to feel like apologizing for seeing something good in someone else.

now it may be discomforting to get a compliment like that when she doesn't really like me, and that's fine. that happens. its part of life.

but sometimes i think we get it all mixed up. we want to be humble, cause people like that. people think humble guys and humble girls are the real deal. so when we get a compliment we're like-- "nah, man. nonono, that can't be true." so we try to make people think we're being humble, but in reality, we're just shooting them down for complimenting us, and that makes them feel silly.

its kinda like this. let's say we play smash bros and i beat you. (oops, now i'm being full of myself). but let's say it happens and you want to be nice so you're like, "man, Scott, you're really good at this game." and then i say something like, "noo, i'm really not. i kind of suck at it."

we'll you're gonna feel silly for trying to compliment my skills, and you'll feel lame for being beaten by a guy who sucks.

i know that's a silly example, so i'll give another that on of my mission presidents once told me.

he said that Elder Holland came to one of the stakes and gave some good talks/lessons. he went and told Elder Holland how much he enjoyed the talk. Elder Holland said something like "Thank you, I really worked hard on it," or something to that effect. that made my mission president feel good for complimenting him.

now if Elder Holland was like, "nooo, that talk? i made that in like 5 minutes. it wasn't very good. i had to make most of it up," my mission president would have probably felt dumb for complimenting him. sure, he might think Elder Holland is amazing for giving such a great talk on no preparation, but that really wouldn't be a very humble thing for him to say. instead, he said thanks. he made someone feel good for complimenting him.



there was one time where i went to one of those cheesy church dances. there was a girl there and i liked her quite a bit, and she probably knew it. at this point she didn't feel the same, which is totally fine. anyways, i got up the bravery from within my guts to man up and ask her to dance, said said yes. well, this was a girl who i thought was quite pretty and i thought she was looking particularly lovely on this occasion. i really wanted to tell her that, but at this point my nerves and stomach were refusing to cooperate. it was pretty great. the good thing is i managed to get the words out regardless of the betrayal of my internal organs.

now she could have said a lot of different things at this point. she could have been like "uhhh," or "why do you think that?" i don't know if she was aware that it took a lot for me to compliment her, and i don't know if it made her uncomfortable or not. but she didn't shoot down what i said, make me feel dumb, or pretend to be humble. she said "thank you." i think she even hugged me. but that was it. she didn't make a big deal out of it or anything, but she said thanks- accepted that i had something nice to say about her. and that's really the humble thing to do, she made me feel good for saying nice things. it did a lot for a nervous, insecure guy like me.



i think for the most part we want to be humble and nice to each other. we want to find something nice to say to someone who may be feeling insecure or not very confident. but maybe they're the ones complimenting us. it goes far if we say thanks. if we appreciate what they do. i think that's closer to being humble. its making other people feel good about themselves. and then we feel good too cause we're nice.. at least that's how i figure it works.

the eggplant wizard

is SUCH a poser. seriously

the reset button

battletoads is widely considered to be one of, if not the hardest video game of all time. the third level alone will have most players rage-quitting or throwing their controller across the room. if you somehow survive, you then have yet another impossibly difficult level to memorize-- because the game doesn't save. if you decide to bring a friend along, you better stay on opposite sides of the screen, otherwise you'll probably end up pummeling him to death by accident-- because the programmers decided to leave out the option to have your attacks not hurt each other. even if you could your way through all the levels, bad guys, and speed hazards, you'd get flattened by the clinger-winger. no question about it.

don't fall in the ball pit. we're not at mcdonalds

playing battletoads gives the reset button more attention than it should ever deserve. die on the first level? reset. get sick of the jet bikes? reset. snake drop you like its hot? reset. give your ally the big bad boot by mistake? reset. the concept is simple. hit the reset button, and start over. every stupid mistake, every cheat you use, every life you lost; its gone, forgotten, done with. you're back at the start as if nothing happened, and you're welcome to go on your merry way until your next inevitable failure. cause the game just can't be beat.


i kind of feel sometimes that life is like playing battletoads. it is impossibly hard to beat, and quite simply, it won't be done. and mistakes will be made all through the way. but instead of crashing my jet bike into a wall, i may waste time doing stupid things. instead of forgetting to jump at just the right time, i may forget to read scriptures or pray from my heart. i might not be kicking my fellow toad off the screen, but i'll probably say something stupid that hurts a friend, or neglect the people i care about.



at the end of the day, mistakes readily in mind, and with the game all over, i may not want to take the option to continue. i might not want to go forward and keep pushing. sometimes i just want to hit reset and start over. take it all back. but this time i won't say stupid things. this time i'll remember to love people. this time i'll do better.








we won't ever be able to start over in the sense that we go back to where we started and magically nothing ever happened. but we can try again. we can start over. we can repent, we can change, and all those stupid things we do won't be held against us.

God doesn't need us to repent. He doesn't. it won't change who He is, it won't take away His power. but we need it. repentance is for us. we need it, and we need it sooner than later.

yes, we are warned that if we don't repent, we'll be thrown into a lake of fire. that's motivating for some people. yes, we're told about people who didn't repent, who were trampled or struck down by God. that's motivating for some people. but the Lord's invitation to repent isn't coming from an aggressive, angry dictator.

it has been said that "He sendeth an invitation unto all men, for the arms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you."

He has invited "all to come unto Him and partake of His goodness; and He denieth none that come unto Him, black and white, bond and free, male and female."

He says "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls," and asks us, "will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?"

this does not sound like Someone who is itching to throw us into a pit of fire. His motivation is for us to be happy. He does not want us to carry the pain we put on ourselves in life. that is why we need repentance. that is why we need Him to change us.

Christ made repentance possible. because of Him we can repent. because of Him we can change. and because of Him, we can forgive each other, we can be forgiven, and we can forgive ourselves.

For "He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for He loveth the world, even that He layeth down His own life that He may draw all men unto Him." (2 Nephi 26:24)





(Other scriptures quoted- Alma 5:33, 2 Nephi 26:33, Matthew 11:29, 3 Nephi 9:13)

just be happy anyways

i remember a day when i was in like the 4th grade. pokemon had just hit the United States, and it was kind of a big deal- who am i kidding- it was a HUGE deal. i don't think that anyone in our generation can deny that. the tv show was awesome, the game boy game amazing, and even girls collected the cards. it was the totally the bomb. the bob-omb, if you will.

so one day one of the neighborhood moms had went and got some packs of cards for her kids and she gave me a couple packs. she told me to keep one and run over across the street and give another to one of the neighborhood kids. so i went ahead and did that. i opened up my own pack and found none other than a rare ninetales- a pretty strong fire-type that's hard to come by. YEAH! bob-omb, right? totally. that is until later that day when the other kid opened his pack and rocked everyone's world.

so close.

OHMYGOSH!! CHARLIE GOT A CHARIZARD!!

all the sudden he was the coolest kid in the neighborhood. just like that. my friend next door and i were like-- really?

in truth, my little body had mustered all the 10-year-old jealousy that it could. i couldn't believe it. it could have been mine! i had both packs, but i kept the one with the blastoise wrapper and not the epic fire-type. eesh.

but whatever. it didn't make him cool. i still knew more about pokemon. i still had tons of awesome cards, including an alakazam. so whatever, man!


...whatever..


sigh.





the problem is, now that i'm a "grown-up" (at least according to my nephews) i still see the same kind of silly jealousy around us. at college. among our friends. you do it, i do it, and its too bad.

its no secret that here at BYU everyone is dating-obsessed. to the max. its also pretty clear that a great deal of the students here over-achieved in high school and were the top of their game. both things cause people to get humbled fast. FAST.

the sad thing is that we sometimes get caught in some kind of ditch, where we might think we're not as good as other people or they're better than us.

i realized the other day that many of my friends growing up and from my freshman year are getting married. some have babies. then i try to think of the coolest thing i've done lately and all i can think of is TKO-ing super macho man in the first round without him even landing a punch (its actually a lot harder than it sounds).

well in our dating-crazed culture, sometimes we see those other people getting together and being all happy and we think-- what the crap?? i'm way nicer than him. he's a tool. she's fake. she just wants someone to make out with. she has no idea what she's getting herself into. he's a loser. why can they be happy?

when we do that we sound a lot like a certain jealous 10-year old who didn't get the one silly card he wanted
.

the thing is, getting married is pretty much like finding that charizard. you may open hundreds of booster packs, and all you find is freaking weedles. another gust of wind. oh. great. grass energy. but you keep trying. you keep getting those dang cards. sometimes you come close- you find a blastoise, a venusaur, alakazam, but not a dang charizard. but you keep going. and going. and then, out of nowhere, the kid down the street gets one and you're left wondering what just happened.


i tried the whole bitter thing, and as fun as it is, it really doesn't work. and its fun- especially for someone as sarcastic as i am. but i've found life to be a whole lot easier when you just decide to be happy anyways. so what if others get what you want before you do? good for them. they find that special person? yay them. they get that radical job? way to go. whatever special things are happening to others, its way more fun to just be happy about it. seriously.

so here's to being happy- and here's a big thanks to everyone who works to be happy no matter how good or bad life can be. yall are the real pokemon masters.

what i want to be when i grow up

it was always pretty dang clear to me as to which path in life i was supposed to take.  ever since i was like, 5 or even younger i've had all the right people showing me the way- the mighty morphin' power rangers, super mario, link, the ninja turtles, darkwing duck, batman, superman, bruno the kid, the aquabats- the list goes on. with this host of awesomeness appearing in nearly every facet of my life, it has never been a question what has been my desire-- nay, my destiny to become:



a hero.

drool.

what's more awesome than forming the mega zord and defeating rita's monster whom she just made grow?

um, nothing.

remind me what's better than recovering the triforce from ganon and saving the world from destruction--


or when you find that "other castle" that the princess is actually in


i could go on. the point is, being a hero is awesome, and its what i have always wanted to do.



now the whole secret identity part- that's another story. should i be a mild-mannered new reporter? eh, seems boring. millionaire-playboy-businessman? that's a bit over the top. teenagers with attitude? too late for that.


unfortunately, i'm not from another planet, i haven't crashed into a truck of radioactive material, nor have i been bitten by a crazy awesome super power-giving arachnid.


so i guess i'm consigned to a life of boring lameness with a severe lack of superpowers. no heroism for me, right?

WRONG.


true, there may be no one more awesome than the red ranger to a lil 5 year old, but i have been able to see heroes in the more "normal" or "boring" people with my somewhat "grown-up" mind.

like my 'normal' roommate who has more than once got me my favorite juice when i feel like garbage

or my 'normal' friends in my major who want to work with people who have severe disabilities AND are always nice enough to give me girl advice

or there's my "boring" and "normal" dad, who made it a point to always put God first and to take care of his family. dad used all his mild-mannered accountant powers helping people and doing the right thing.

 there pretty much aint no better hero than that.

public displays of infection

i have a friend. i know, right? its great. friends are great. to the max. this friend of mine is in my major, which is a very small major, which means i've shared pretty much ALL of my classes with her for the past who knows how long.

anyways, she recently got married, (as  girls in education majors often do) and i went to her reception cause she's pretty radical and her husband is also quite radical so i figured it would be pretty radical to go. while i stood in a corner at the reception (as i often do at receptions) eating a heavily frosted cupcake i couldn't help but notice how happy my just barley married friends were. like they were so dang happy. to the max.

and it wasn't one of those, like obnoxious happys, you know the kind where you see it and you're like "BAH ugh. barf. happy couple. eesh. gross." twas the kind that makes you go 'awww.' or 'totes presh.' its kind of like the feeling you get when you hug an adorable puppy. an adorable puppy like THIS puppy:

i really want to hug that puppy.

every time i see my friend with her man it makes me feel like puppy hugs. unfortunately, i can't say the same about just about every other dang couple at our fine institution. most of them, just quite bluntly, make me want to vomit.

now, before i rant on too crazily about it, there's a few things we just need to get clear here:

1- here at our wonderful, happy, magical BYU, we have a culture that is heavily reliant on dates, dating, and that whole getting married thing. you can't help but see some of that walking to class. and technically it is kind of something we're sort of supposed to be working at, so you can't really blame it for happening.

2- most of us have been or will be guilty of PDA-ing it up at some point. sometimes its obnoxious and sometimes it isn't, but there's probably always going to be someone bitter enough to hate you for it.

3- at BYU we have agreed to standards and (most of us) have made covenants in which we have agreed to live very very differently than the typical college student. yes, i think we can all agree that it's annoying to find a couple people PDA-ing it up at the JFSB fountain, but annoying a few random strangers is probably always better than macking on the couch in front of your roommates.

regardless, i have accepted that PDA is just going to happen. but i have often wondered what makes the difference between the people who make me feel like hugging puppies and the people who make me feel like there's a crisis in the love zone.

yikes.

anyone who caught the above reference gets 400 bonus points unless you are one of my brothers (cause i know that you know it).


i only have a couple suggestions which are based on my opinions and pretty much nothing else. but i think these attitudes will help us closer to the puppy side of the scale.

first, don't give a crap about the status- this may sound absurd, but i don't think it is. we live a culture that is very focused on dating. we can't get around that. people will always be asking if you're dating someone, when you're getting married, why you aren't dating anyone, if you want to date their friend, why it didn't work out with their friend when you were dating, etc. etc. etc. sometimes, i think we forget that we should be dating each other because we like each other, not so that we can impress everyone else in the world.

earlier this year i went on a few dates with a girl and she knew that i liked her. i even got her to like me for a bit. but it didn't end up working out. she was very, very nice about it, nicer than most. and its OK that it didn't happen, that's why you date; to figure stuff out. but during the whole time that was going on, people kept pestering me. "when are you gonna make it official?" "is she your girlfriend yet?" "why don't you ask her?"

the whole thing didn't even last a month, and i already had people bothering me about it! come on, people. i was spending time with her because i liked her. not so that i could tell you that i have a girlfriend, not so that i could update my facebook status, not so that i could brag at testimony meeting that i'm one step closer to eternal progression. she probably would have respected me a lot less if i pressured her into trying to make things "official" so that everyone could have something to talk about.

i guess the my point is that you should date someone because you like him or her. don't worry about what other people think. don't worry about "making it official" because its been a couple of weeks. don't think you have to know if you're getting married after a couple of dates. (yeah, i've heard these concerns). just spend time with each other cause you like each other. and if you still like each other, then keep spending time together. and then if you like each other, then you can figure out if you don't want to date other people. it doesn't need to be some huge ordeal that you need to announce to the world.

second point- don't feel like you have to do every. little. thing. together over and over day after day, minute after second after second.

don't get me wrong. i think its awesome when people take boring things and make it special because they're with someone they like. every time i go to the store to buy food, i see people together who are dating. it's great that they're spending the time together and doing that boring stuff together. but that's not the kind of people who i'm talking about.

i think we all know who i'm talking about.

its the people who you see, after slightly making out in the cereal aisle, slowly walk hand in hand after to the box of cheerios. each person grabs the box with one hand, lifting it together and lowering it gently into the cart. after its placed, they look lovingly into each others' eyes, not noticing the congestion they're causing in the store. they're not quite off to one side but not completely in the middle, so its just enough to slow down other shoppers without being so annoying that anyone will say anything. they slowly walk together out of the aisle, because pushing a cart while holding hands is extremely difficult, while they continue to block my way to the frosted mini-spooners i so devilishly covet. 

don't worry sweetheart. i'll be back soon. i'll miss you while i'm gone.

anyways you get the point. its good to spend time together, its good to do the mundane stuff, but don't feel like you're a bad boyfriend or girlfriend if you're not ALWAYS together doing EVERYTHING with each other.


anyways, i hope yall had fun indulging me and my little rant. and let's all hope that we display our love in a manner that makes onlookers want to participate in a group hug with puppies, rather than contracting appendicitis.

experts always rush

a rush is a term used in RTS (real-time strategy) games (mainly Warcraft or Starcraft) which indicates that one player builds as many units as possible in a short amount of time in order to attack the enemy's base quickly. the goal is to win the match within the first 5 or so minutes. variations of rushes include the grunt rush, the zealot rush, and the ever-popular zergling rush.

pretty much the clearest picture i could find, though any nerd would know that this isn't technically a rush. but you get the idea.

i remember a day quite well while playing starcraft. i was playing with my friends Sean and Louie, and my brother Brent was making fun of everything they were saying on the online in-game chat. they weren't speaking in complete sentences, (as its hard to crush your enemy forces and talk at the same time) and Brent read their every word as if he were a caveman. it was sort of annoying, but whatever.

so, after i was done it was Brent's turn to play, and so i began to make fun of everything that his allies said while playing. Brent entered a 3 on 3 match with random internet players. one of the player's user names was called fAsT_tuRtLE. the match opened with the following dialogue:

fAsT_tuRtLE: experts always rush.

fAsT_tuRtLE: i am an expert.

fAsT_tuRtLE: therefore, i will rush.

needless to say, this guy was a total n00b, and everybody knew it the second he typed his first message. (by the way, autocorrect is not underlining the word "n00b"). his attempt of a rush went horribly awry and unaided by his teammates. within minutes, his base was being destroyed by the opposing team while everyone in the match laughed at him whether friend or foe.

fAsT_tuRtLE: my base!

fAsT_tuRtLE: my base!

threeleggedyoyo: i thought you were an expert.

fAsT_tuRtLE was elminated.

fAsT_tuRtLE has left the game.

of course, Brent ended up losing the game since his team was one man down.


this silly experience came to mind today while i was sitting at church, thinking about how i treat others. because i am naturally sarcastic and cynical, i have a very easy time finding things in other people to make fun of. so much that i think i've developed a pretty negative outlook on things.

come to think of it, whenever i'm with friends and were talking about other people, its almost always bad. we make fun, we point out what's wrong, we build people up as these awful, horrible losers. all because its easier for us to see their flaws than our own. it has made me see how very, very, incredibly small i am.

sadly, i think we're all that way. its way easier for us to talk crap about other people or even hate them than to be nice. and it really doesn't do any good. everything that person does becomes bad. whether or not its actually good or bad.

like, holy crap, dude. did you see how she ate that donut? 
yeah, man. totally stupid. it's so dumb how she does that.

holy crap, did you get a donut from her? 
yeah, bro. it's totally nice how she got them for all of us.

in both cases she did the exact same thing..

i for one am tired of it. but it's also the hardest habit on earth to break. but it is a bad, bad habit if there ever was one. cause what happens when you make fun? Brent and his allies poked fun at the n00b on their team. they could have tried to help save him from enemy forces or help him with his rush. but they laughed. and they lost. and that's what happens to us, too. we laugh at others. we make so much fun and gossip so hard until we actually believe it. we actually believe that people are the way we say they are.

and then it gets way harder to like yourself. it's hard to see good in yourself when you can't see good in other people. everything to you is just dumb.

there's a place for joking. there's a place for making fun of life, for laughing, for being sarcastic, for having fun. but there are people in my life who i seriously can't remember the last time i said something nice about. too many people. there are others who i can't remember when they said something nice about another particular person. too many people.

i love the cartoon Adventure Time, cause i think it's hilarious. but sometimes it can be really profound. the show on occasion has random songs, (which are actually really good) in one of which the hero, Finn the human, asks his friends, "what am i to you? am i a joke, your knight, or your brother?"

it makes me think about how i treat people. is this person a joke? something to laugh at or make fun of? i mean they're a joke, after all. a joke isn't really even a person anyways.

or is this person a knight? someone who helps me or does nice things for me, and that's why i like him/her. that's why i keep them around.

or is he my brother? someone who i can count on. someone who i'd do anything for, cause he's my bro. someone who i can laugh with, who i would help with anything, who i'd treat exactly the way i'm supposed to treat a brother or sister.



i think if God were to talk to you about one of your friends, he wouldn't say "Oh. Him. What a loser. He's a total joke. I don't know what we're going to do with him."

i doubt He'd tell you, "Oh him? Yeah, he's alright. He's kind of like my knight, cause he does what I say. That's why I like him."

He would more likely say something like, "Jim? Yes, he's my son. I love him very much. Let me tell you why."



change is hard. being nice is hard. loving other people is hard. but it's possible, and it's worth the effort. i really hope that we can change the amount of people who are just jokes, and increase the number we see as brothers and sisters.




i think we'd all be pretty happy if we did.

stalking by accident

i have a really good memory. it isn't always a good thing. at times i remember things that i probably shouldn't. for example, if you're a girl, and i just met you, and i kind of think your cute or something, chances are that i'm going to remember things that you told me when we met. but the bad thing about it... is that when i see you again, you'll probably be creeped out that i remembered what you told me. technically, there isn't anything creepy about my listening to you... but if you didn't remember what you said to me, you might be freaked out.

there are times where i'm walking on campus and i see young women from different areas that i served in as a missionary. eesh. i feel like a stalker. they don't recognize me.. why would they and heck, i'd recognize most people from my areas, its just the girls who go to school here. if i wanted to, i could REALLY scare them cause i could assume that they went to the one high school, ward, seminary class, etc in the area.. and i remember all about that.

i'm tempted every time, but i never do it.

i also have an ability to enter and leave conversations without people really noticing. people will forget i was part of some group thing and then when i mention it later they're like ".... what?"

at the beginning of the semester, my english teacher told us to be more observant so that we could have things to put into our 'writing journal.' i was like, NO WAY. if i actually started observing things, i'd be way more of a creep than i already am. i mean, its not MY FAULT that i happen to walk home at the same time as a cute girl who was in my ward last year and i may have happened to see her get into her car and now i've memorized that she drives a certain car of a certain color and model that i wont disclose on the internet just in case she ever ends up reading this even though she probably isn't. its not my fault when a girl is cute and i see her name tag cause she works in a building on campus that i frequent and now i creepily know her name.

seriously, though, if i actually tried, i'd probably be an amazing stalker.

IEP Goals

Every person who receives special education services has an Individualized Education Program, or IEP. It is a concept that has been kind of burned into my mind. IEPs are written by a team which includes the special education teacher, parents, school principal, and other service providers such as the school psychologist, speech language pathologist, occupational therapist, etc. Specific goals for the student's progress are written in with the hopes that the student will reach these goals by the end of the year. These skills are typically academic, though if students with severe disabilities also have functional skills (such as dressing oneself) written in. An example of an IEP goal may look like this:

Given a sheet of paper and a writing instrument, Stetson will write his name with at least 80% accuracy over 10 trials, and maintain the skill for at least 3 weeks.

The thing with IEP goals is that they have to be observable, measurable, and... crap I can't ever remember the other one. But the point is, you can't use vague stuff. "Stetson will learn this" or "Stetson will know that" aren't good cause you can't measure if someone's actually learned or knows something. But you can measure what someone verbally states or writes or whatever.

After writing these goals over and over (as well as doing FUBA/BIPs which basically have the same kinds of goals with behavior) I seriously started to think that God probably has IEP goals for us. I think it makes sense...


Given a copy of the standard works, Scott will read his scriptures each day with at least 80% accuracy over 30 trials, and maintain the skill... for the rest of his life.

The thing is though, is that God actually can measure if we "know" or "learn" something or other abstract things like that. So His IEP goals for us don't have to be all super observable.

Scott will love other people without prompting with at least 80% accuracy over 10 trials, and maintain the skill for eternity.






Yeah. I've got a long way to go before my next IEP meeting.

just count em. count all of them.

oooooonnnnnnneeee blessing.


twwwwwooooooooo blessings...





...


...thhhhreeeeeeeee blessings....


fooourrrr blessings.....






five blessings...






................................



...................................
















..........................











one thousand six hundred and seventy two blessings...













one thousand six hundred and seventy three blessings.....















.............
















.........














yeah, you get the point

to those of you who want to understand

 

YYYYRRRUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!

 

BOOM!!!

piece of heart

well, its almost valentine's day, so yall are probably expecting that i say something bitter or sarcastic.  maybe it'll make you giggle a lil bit.  sure, i could say all the bitter stuff i want.  i could comment on how aaaallonne i've been most valentine's days or how i obnoxiously fended off the singing valentine sirens who once tried to seduce me.  but, eh, i'm on a quest to be a bit less bitter.. so i think i'll just poke a little bit of fun

you ever notice those girls?  everyone knows one.  the kind who enters into class, church, ward activities, parties, whatever it is, she comes, and BOOM.  five guys.  maybe six.  up to ten.  you can try to talk to them yourself, but you'll just be lost in a sea of taller, weirder dudes.  she has some kind of power on them though.  the minute they go to talk to her, their intelligence drops.  hard.  i don't get it, it just does. 

there's guys in that same position too.  girls want them bad.  and they just seem to get dumber when they're around him.

most of the time, they're pretty regular, normal, awesome people who deserve to have everyone love them.

we've all been there.  you meet someone you kind of like, and at first.. you just get dumb.  you try harder to be funny.  its not funny.  you try to impress him or her with your awesome skills.  its not very awesome.  and then, you get back to being normal.  you're yourself, and there's nothing that should stop you.




then you get friend zoned.  HAHA!


whatever you do, whatever point you're at, make this valentines day a good one, people.  sure, you can be all bitter if you want.  you can watch movies all day alone while eating ice cream.  if you want.  you can play nintendo angrily while chomping all the goldfish you can.. if you want.  but really, what's it gonna hurt to be a bit nicer?  why not show a bit more love just cause you can?

bro dudes.  get a flower for that girl you might like.  just cause she's cute.  you don't even have to marry her.

lady-types.  say hi to that guy who you've been wanting to talk to sooo bad!  it doesn't even have to be a big deal.


then you can go back to your movies, your nintendo, your ice cream, whatever.  it'll be that much better when you spread the love.  go right ahead, do something nice.  give someone a piece of your heart.

your life just got a little bit more complete

MAJOR assumptions

there's a couple things that i ALWAYS hear when people find out that i'm a special ed major.  always.

"wow.  special ed?  that's soooo cool.  you're like, the nicest person ever.  it takes a really, really special kind of person to do that.  you're just so awesome and nice."

um.. so.. what the crap am i supposed to say to that anyways?

"um, no.  you're wrong.  do you even know me?  i'm such a jerk.  a dirtbag.  take 10 minutes and you'll change your mind, believe me."

whatever.. its an assumption that i appreciate so i guess i can't complain.

the second assumption usually comes from other dudes who are usually in something like business or engineering or one of those huge majors that's like.. all dudes.

"woah! DUDE!  Education!?  that's like, all girls, right?  you're gonna get married sooo fast, bro!"

ha. ha. hahaha.

now, if my major was as big as business or engineering, AND it was all women, that would be pretty cool i guess.  i could, you know, hit on some girl in class, go on a date or two, watch things go horribly wrong, and then we could avoid each other and sit on opposite sides of our huge class the rest of the semester and then never have to deal with each other again. 

but, uh, my major is a little bit smaller than that... true, i'm one of, uh, two guys.  we share all our classes with 20 women.  THE SAME 20 WOMEN.  EVERY. DANG. CLASS.  ALL DAY.

half of them are married/engaged anyways (probably to guys in the engineering/business majors).  either way, when you see someone that dang often.. you gotta be careful.  i mean, if word got out that things went horribly wrong between me and a young lady in all my classes.. i could have 20 enemies very, very quickly.  death glares.  all day.  every day.

of course it aint really like that.  i haven't made any enemies yet.  we're pretty much all BFFs.  sort of.  in fact, sometimes i really think that my sisters in my classes.. kind of forget that i'm not a woman.  they just get to talking about some stuff and i'm like..

'uhhh... i'm a guy... please stop...'
'ok... so its the 26th? i'll try to remember that next month..'
'90 days?  how did you survive that?'

sometimes i need to remind myself of my manhood.

"does anyone have a pen?"

i open my backpack, grab a pen, throw it across the table

"anyone have whiteout?"

open my backpack, grab the whiteout, throw it across he table.

"anyone have a tampon?"

open my backpack, look around...





 






wait a second.  got me there!  don't have one of those!

i'm the one on the right, people.  THE RIGHT

well.. despite all the giggling, gossiping, talking about the bachelor, engagement stories, cheesy 'aaaaawwwwwws,' hair comments, "just kiddings," and other girly nonsense... my major is full of great people who are nice to everyone they know and put up with all my sarcasm.

and that really does take a very good kind of person to do

The Big Issue

I will always remember that fated day at the doctor's office.  It was the worst news I had ever received.  Standing there against the wall with my shoes off, the nurse broke the news as if she had told a million people that day.  Didn't she have a heart? Didn't she understand what she was telling me, and that it would alter my life forever?  No.  She didn't even care.  She said it like I had known my whole life:

You're 5' 5'' and a quarter


I was 19.  And I was devastated.

I thought I had been 5' 6'' for years.  I even told the DMV that I was 5'7'' because I thought I was 5'6'' and I figured I would grow.  But I didn't.  When I finally did get my driver's license, (the reason as to why it took my until I was 19 is an entirely different story) the DMV lady asked if all my information was correct.  Telling her that I was 2 inches shorter than I had hoped was painful to the extreme.

People tell me it isn't so bad.  They don't know what they're talking about.  They don't know what its like.  You can reach the peanut butter when its on the top shelf, because you put it there so you can laugh at me when I stand on the counter or get a chair.  You don't have to move the seat of your car all the way forward to drive.  You didn't have to have another person ride with you in a go-cart when you were 14 fetching years old.

Its the same people who say it isn't so bad who consistently point out their supposed superiority.

Oh little Tay.  Oh little Tay.  Oh how'd you get so little?

Thanks.  Dirtbag.  You can stop singing the song now.


Scott, you're awesome.  You're just too short.  

Oh.. of course.   Or maybe you're just too tall!

Scott how tall are you?  Oh.. yeah, I'm taller than you are. 

What I think you meant to say was: "Scott, I'm madly in love with you, if only I could give you 2-3 inches of my height.  Then we could ride off into the sunset on a magical pegasus unicorn of happiness" 

It provokes me when I see a really really tall guy with a really really short girl.  I don't know why, but its just some unwritten rule that the girl can't be taller.  For real though!  It just doesn't work!  So I see these giants, right, they can pick any girl they want.  But they don't go for the volleyball players or whoever.  They pick a cute lil 5'3'' or 5'2'' girl just to anger me.  Just to anger me.

Oh, but they're just evening out the gene pool.

Really?  Isn't the point of the gene pool to keep it diverse?  Whatever.  Its better to make everyone the same.

How tall are you?  5'7''?

I can't thank you enough for assuming.

Do you know this girl?  She's tiny. You should just propose to her.

... maybe I will.  And seriously, thank you for assuming.

I don't usually care this much about it, but for some reason people have been recently pointing it out a lot more than usual.  Thanks, people.  Thanks for telling me what I've already known my entire life.  I know I have to jump to touch the ceiling, I know sometimes have to get a chair, and I know that the average girl can probably beat me up.

Whatever. Its fine.  If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be tall anyways.

At least Dexter knows what I'm talking about. 

Not Quite Fanmail

So for my English 313 class, I have to keep this writing journal thing, where I have to write stuff.  Yep.  But my teacher seems to be pretty cool, and wants us to pretty much write like.. whatever we want.  She seriously gave the journal of a slug as a suggestion, or like, a poem about what you would do if you were Spiderman.  So we get to practice writing cool stuff.  I guess.  Anyways, when I feel like I've written one that will make you giggle, I will put it up here.

so this little piece of writing is based off a joke my older brother told me years ago that i've always found pretty amusing.  anyways, here it goes. i call it:

Not Quite Fanmail

Prince Charming,

This is the last straw.  This is it.  We're through.  I can't believe you, but by now you probably don't even remember who I am.  I can't remember the last time you wrote me back, but of course I wouldn't want to be a burden on you.  You're busy, I'm sure, having meals with dignitaries and cutting the red tap from all those new wizards' towers.  Too busy to even think about writing your weepy, sad-eyed little wife, who, might I add, slaves away DAY AND NIGHT to keep your castle tidy.  All of your friends out there probably don't even know I exist, I'm sure of it.

Don't think you're getting away with it.  You're not fooling me, you hear?  My stepsister tole me the whole thing.  I HAD TO HEAR IT FROM MY STEPSISTER!  I didn't believe her at first, but when I talked to my godmother- you know she wouldn't lie to me- I just about fell apart.  I know what you're really doing out there.  I know you've been cheating on me.  And with who?  Some seventeen year old brat!?  Sure, she's "fair as the snow," or at least that's what they tell me.  It just goes to show what kind of a man you really are!  I know how it happened- you just went of into the woods, on one of your "hunting trips" and you found her laying there... and then what did you do?  You don't try to help her, you didn't call for a forest ranger, you just bend over right then and there and kissed her.  And that ignorant skank actually thinks you're in love with her after that!?  She doesn't have what we have.  We have true love- or at at least had it- we did things right- we danced for three whole songs before we decided to get married!  Who do you think you are, throwing that all away in one kiss!

She really isn't all she's cracked up to be.  I've done some digging.  For starters, that girl couldn't sing any better than a dying pheasant.  And do you know where she's been?  She's been living with several strange men, with all kinds of problems- anger management issues, narcolepsy, allergies- one of them can't even grow a beard!  How do you know she won't leave you for one of them?  She's probably just after your money or your title.  But I doubt you mind, all you care about is what is on the outside anyways...

Why can't we have what Philip and Aurora have?  They've been married for ten years and they're still going strong!  She still talks about how he slayed a dragon for her like it happened yesterday!  And he treats her so well!  He does his dishes, he helps hang the laundry, he even puts the toilet seat down when he's finished!  He listens to her, and he understands her in way's you'll never understand me.

This is it.  We're finished.  I'm done with you.  I'm going to live with my godmother- she makes me feel important.  I'll have a lawyer send the divorce papers- I trust you can have those signed and sent back properly.

Someday, people will see you for what you really are- a monster.  A filthy, loathsome, selfish beast who even the French wouldn't have any respect for.  But I'm probably just speaking to a wall by now.  Goodbye, Prince Charming.  Have fun with your perfect little princess.  You deserve each other.

Unhappily Ever After,


             Cinderella