dirtbags & dorkwads

ok, so im not gonna pretend that i'm a fan of chick flicks.  i can only think of three that i've seen all the way through (one of which i have vowed never to watch again) however, every time i end up watching one (or, usually part of one) i pretty much notice the same, boring, predictable tendencies.

step 1: hot guy meets cute girl.  check.
step 2: they're pretty much in love within like 10 minutes of the movie.  k, whatever.
step 3: every movie needs a conflict.  even chick flicks.  thus some kind of thing gets between them.  like, oh, social status differences, another man or woman, parent disapproval, or even good old world war 2.

"i'm sorry daughter, but he only makes 17 cents an hour at a lumber yard."

"but daddy, its loove!"

"i'm sorry, but i told him to bring you home by 11 and you didn't come in till 4.  i can't trust him."

"but daddy, its llooove!!"

step 4: big separation.  the parents have had enough of this hoolagin and decide to get their daughter away from him.  they may even move to another state or something.

next, they one-up the conflict.  this is where you can throw in anything from step 3 that wasn't there before.  the hot guy might spend his time foolin around with other women that he doesn't really care about cause he's still so heartbroken while the cute girl meets some other guy who's totally legit and awesome and a really nice guy and can probably shoot lazers from his eyes.  they might even get engaged.

then of course some twist of fate brings the two back together and they realize that they're in love and the cute girl ditches the other guy while she and her true love ride off into the sunset on a wild honeymoon stallion that her brother in law just got done taming for them.

aawwwww.

ok, so maybe i didn't rattle off the plot of every chick flick ever.  i may or may not have basically just stated the plot of the notebook.  which, by the way is the one which i've vowed never to watch again.  seriously.  i don't mind when a girl wants me to watch some chick movie with her but there's a point where i gotta put my foot down.  i even told my mom not to watch it.  she didn't listen, though.

however today i mainly want to focus on the other big chick flick tendency.  this one's a lot quicker to explain too.

totally awesome guy and totally cute girl are like totally BFFs.  or they're just pretty good friends.  it doesn't really matter.  so, totally cute girl has a boyfriend who is a total dirtbag and she complains to totally awesome guy about it all the time.  after they stretch out her complaining over a whole movie, she finally realizes that her boyfriend is a pile an she's totally in love with her friend-man who's probably off playing pokemon or something.  and of course he loves her the whole time cause he has the manliness to actually listen to her but he was too nice to tell her to dump the punk.  but he's waited the whole time anyways.. or something like that.

unless the movie involves sandra bullock.  then she and the guy hate each other's guts till the end of the movie.  and i'm not just talking about the movie that i may or may not have seen at jenns apartment.  its in other movies that i may or may not have also seen.  parts of.

so why is it that girls like to date the total punks and complain to the nice guys about it?  after thinking about it, i think i've got some answers..

first off, i don't believe that nice girls actually fall for bad guys.  people usually tend to go for people who are like.. on the same nice-level or whatever.  if a girl really is nice and awesome and respects herself (and good guys for that matter) then those bad guys don't have a chance.  once she figures out who he is, he's done.

Take Biff, for example.  Now everyone knew he was a turd all along.. but she still went for McFly cause she realized that he'd stand up for her.. even if that meant getting his arm broke.

which pretty much brings me to my next point.  typically, a guy isn't going to walk up to a girl and say something like, "hey.  i'm a total dirtbag.  let's make out."  it just doesn't happen.  sometimes it takes a little bit of time for a lady-type to figure out that a guy is a punk.  and there may be some initial attraction to the punks cause they're usually confident enough to ask the girls out and stuff.  nice guys sometimes have to fight their stomach and spleen just to ask a girl out.. so it may take the whole length of the movie to see how awesome he is.

i also think that for the most part, nice girls will date nice guys, but when it doesn't work out.. we tend to put each other in a negative light.  i know i've held on to some bitterness when girls have dumped me or turned me down.  it doesn't mean that they're bad or mean girls or anything.. but i make it sound that way cause i'm frustrated.

when you think about it, every relationship you have fails till you get married.  its kind of bleak but that doesn't make every person you date along the way a dirtbag.  the problem is when you get to the point where you know you gotta do some heartbreaking, there usually isn't much of a good way to do it.  you can either end it right then and there and look like a total punk, or you can drag it on trying to figure out how to do it nicely while slowly hurting them as well.  on top of that you know it would be wrong to keep it going cause it wouldn't be fair to them.  so you basically get shafted into making a dirtbag move no matter what, you just have to go with the least painful option.  and breaking up is enough to get anyone frustrated, which gives them a need to talk about it, and since you're kind of a villain at the moment, you're talked about as if you're a dirtbag, making the good people wonder why their friends are falling for punks, when, really, they're not, and after a while the dumpee is no longer angry with the dumper, but also is no longer frustrated and doesn't need to talk about it so they kind of forget to remind everyone that their dumper really is an awesome person and not a punk.

either that or the dumpee stays bitter and stalks the dumper for the rest of their life.

a word about stalkers.  at times i think that we may use the term too freely.  think about it this way.


case 1:
a girl calls a guy almost every day.  she texts him often and they're totally facebook friends.  the dude is hanging out with his bros.  he gets a call from the girl, looks down and frowns, and ignores the call. 

"whats wrong, bro?"
"oh.. it's just my stalker.  she'll probably call again later."

compare with case 2:
a girl calls a guy almost every day.  she texts him often and they're totally facebook friends.  the dude is hanging out with his bros.  he gets a call from the girl, looks down and smiles and starts going to the other room.

"what's wrong, bro?"
"oh, nothing's wrong.  its just my girlfriend.  she probably just wants to say hi, we haven't gotten to talk today yet.  i'm just gonna talk to her for a bit then i'll be back.  i'll call her again tonight."

wait, scott!  are you saying that a stalker and a girlfriend are the same?

yeah.  that's pretty much what i'm saying.  a stalker is someone who you don't like back.  if you did they would be your girl/boyfriend. don't believe me?  then lets take a good like at America's favorite stalker, none other than my much less than a good friend, edward!

Seriously, ladies.  Which one of these guys would you rather have following you around?  Never mind.  Don't answer that question.

now i dont really know that much about twilight.  all i know is that i never liked it from the moment i heard about it.  maybe its cause i first heard about it while talked to a girl i was dating and she was telling me how amazing edward was.  i was getting a little annoyed cause she's telling me about this fictional character while she had a real man to impress her!  its not like i was telling her how amazing princess zelda is.  i was happy enough to have a real girl think i'm awesome!

thus my perceptions of twilight have always been a bit skewed.  (the automatic spellcheck couldn't help me with that word.  thank you dictionary.com.)  from that introduction i have been at odds with edward, trying to steal the hearts of the ladies before he gets them.  let's face it though.  edward is a stalker.  he's creepy, he's weird, he likes to watch you sleep, and he wants to suck your blood.  and i don't care that he eats animals instead of humans.  i've been eating animals instead of humans my entire life and girls don't come running to me.  whatever, ladies, you can have him if you want.  just keep a can of garlic pringles in your cupboard just in case.

 oh, and, ladies, if a guy ever tells you that you're like his own personal brand of heroine... please, please, please PLEASE please please PLEase PLEASE please PLEASE get the living crap away from him!

anyways i'm done for now.  bottom line is, i love girls, especially the nice ones, and i don't really think that they fall for the jerks that often.  i'll even watch a chick flick if a girl asks me to.. with an exception of course.  i obviously could use more information about that genre.. and when it comes to stalkers... well, maybe they're just really nice people who care about us who are a lil awkward cause they spent way too much of their childhood playing pokemon.  whether or not we like them too, we can probably be a bit nicer to them.  unless they're vampires.